The 7 Baby B’s

Last week Peaches Geldof was on 'This Morning' discussing her parenting choices. In the debate she mentioned the 7 Baby B’s which originated from the Baby Books by Dr William Sears and his wife Martha Sears  as an easy to remember guide for people who want to know more about, or practice Attachment Parenting.  Hearing her mention it reminded me of what a good starting point the 7 B’s is as it was something that I referred to when Maya was a baby to reassure me that it was ok to follow my instinct when it came to mothering her. However the 7 B’s are not a ‘must do’ list, like Peaches said they are not strict rules, you can pick and choose what you use and you don’t have to do all 7.

The theory of Atachment has been around since Psychoanalyst John Bowly introduced the theory in the 1950’s. Student teachers, counsellors, doctor’s and nurses, plus many others who work in caring professions are taught Attachment Theory. However despite this knowledge being around for so long and being practiced as the norm in most of the world, Attachment Parenting in the West is still not the mainstream way of parenting. I might be biased in thinking that it can hold the key to a sea change in the level of compassion and understanding we have for one another, as I was raised in an attachment style and replicated this with my own 2 children, but I do think that it can have a significantly positive impact on the future of humanity.

So I thought I’d share my interpretation of the 7 Baby B’s as I found them useful and hope you will too and also to give you some useful places to find support for practicing whatever of the B’s you feel inclined to.

1.   Birth bonding

The way your baby is born can have long term implications for your relationship.  Inform yourself about the effect of birth by attending a good class such as one’s from Relaxed Birth and Parenting in Bristol or Katrina Berry in our Stoke Newington store. If you can’t attend a class, or, as well as attending a class, read our Free Relaxation for Pregnancy and childbirth booklet and relaxation download. If I had know 16 years ago what I know now, to maximize my chances of getting the birth I wanted, I would have done a hypnosis course, taken magnesium supplements had a Doula or Independent midwife, as well as attend Dominiques Relaxed Birth classes.  All this is discussed in Dr Sarah Buckley’s book ‘Gentle Birth Gentle Mothering’.   Having a Babymoon is an important part of birth bonding too.

2.  Breastfeeding

Of course we all know that breastmilk is an ideal food for a baby and with the right knowledge and support almost every mother can have a breastfeeding relationship with their baby. Make sure you have professional help on hand should you need it. We recommend April Whincop a International Board of Lacation Consultants trained breastfeeding supporter, also trained with La Leche League. April can offer support on the phone, in person or via Skype. She also offers a fantastic 'prepare for breastfeeding workshop'.  We hold a monthly breastfeedingsupport group in the Stoke Newington Store, details can be found on our Facebook events page. Bottle nursing is a great way to maintain bonding and closeness if not breatfeeding or for anyone else bottle feeding your baby.

 

  3.   Babywearing

This is the practice of keeping your baby close by using a sling or baby carrier.  Our selection of carriers are carefully chosen to allow you to carry your baby safely and comfortably for as long as you want to in and out of the house. Most are suitable up to toddler age. Of course you don’t need a sling to cuddle and carry your baby but a good one certainly helps to prevent arm and back ache and you can get on and do the things you want to do. When you cuddle another person, both produce oxytocin the love/feel good hormone, according to Sarah Buckly, we need at least 8 cuddles a day to make us feel great. The more skin to skin contact the more oxytocin produced. Baby wearing is a great way for dads to bond. Peaches loves carrying her boys in her organic chocolate Ergobaby carrier. Perhaps hugs are another antidote to depression and feelings of solitude?

 

4.   Bedding Close to baby

Notice that this doesn’t necessarily mean bed sharing. Close can just mean in the same room or with baby right next to your bed in a specially designed co-sleepers or cots such as the ones we sell from Troll or Little Green Sheep's Snuz Pod.

 5.   Belief in the language value of your baby’s cry

This has 2 meanings, firstly to highlight the dangers of ‘Cry –it-out’ techniques. As mentioned in the This Morning interview, Peaches was right in saying that levels of the stress hormone levels cortisol are increased when a baby is left to ‘self soothe’ and all they learn from the experience is anxiety and separation and they are alone in the world unable to rely on anyone for help.  Secondly, it is possible to learn to understand what your baby wants by interpreting their noises and bodily expressions. See ‘The Blossom Method’. But fundamentally a relaxed at ease mother will be able to tune-in to what her baby knows and will become her own expert.

I also believe that if you don’t respond too our baby when they are little how can you expect them to want to talk to you when they are older? They will have learnt that communication with their primary carer gets them nowhere. I also wonder if the huge levels of depression we have in the west are an outcome of such techniques?

 6.   Beware of baby trainers

No clock watching or listening to advice such as ‘if you don’t introduce solids by 6 months your baby won’t eat properly’ if this were the case at least one of my children would still be on a liquid diet! You are your baby’s expert, and don’t let a well meaning friend, relative or health care professional sway you off your heart centered course.  The best training is to surround yourself with people who are on your wave length. See our links and resources page for online and in-person groups and support.

7.  Balance

I’ve been around AP parents for long enough to see this one come up quite frequently and the advice I have for mums who so totally immerse themselves in mothering is ‘put your oxygen mask on first’. You are no good to anyone if you can’t breath. So make time to do something you love and set up support structures so you can get some time off. Or you might decide that going back to work is just the thing to give you that balance.

More useful info

Heart centered concious choices are core to Born's philosophy. The information we give out in the stores and online reflects this, and makes it easy for you to be heart centered too with your pregnancy, birth and parenting choices.

You can find the Dr Sear’s version of the 7 Baby B’s here and learn more about the practice of Attachment Parenting on his site as well as on Attachment Parenting International .

My  list of links and resources that I have compiled to help you in your parenting journey here.

Buy the brilliant ‘Baby Book’

To find a local UK based Attachment Parenting supprt group

 

Love

Eva