Steve Biddulph - 'Raising Girls' Book & Talk in Bristol

In January I attended Steve Biddulph's talk at the Colston Hall, having a 15 year old daughter I was obviously interested to hear about what he had to say.  As a psychotherapist and researcher Steve told us that he has seen a disturbing change in the way our young girls are treated and marketed to by society,  with advertising for 'alcopops' and sexualised clothing being marketed at very young girls. This is also an issue that Mumsnet took up a few years ago which at the time got a lot of media attention and it's the one that the papers have honed in on this time too.

What I wondered was, we talk about 'societies problem' as if it is something 'out there' that is the problem when in fact WE are society, it's not a hidden, unknown person or organization, it's all of us.  How we are with our children in our families and communities is what is important.  And yes, whilst I do not understand how any company can have the moral scruples to actively promote alcohol and age inappropriate material to children, if the child is not on that wavelength they just won't see it. We're all vibrationary beings so if we’re in the vibration to pick up that signal we will, if we aren't we won't. I see myself as a bit like a radio, I pick up on the things that 'fit' with my view of the world, stuff that doesn't resonate (fit in with my frequency) is missed/not picked up. So our job is to teach our kids to have the discernment in where they set their tuner.  And there is no big secret in how to do this, it's simply to be the kind of person you want your child to be, because that's what they are mirroring.  So like Steve said, at the beginning of the talk, Parenting experts are a hazard to your family. All the expert parenting advice in the world won’t sort your kids out unless you are prepared to sort yourself out first.



As a mother to a teenage girl, I don’t worry that she’ll be led astray, in fact I sometimes worry that she’s not having enough fun. What I see is that she’s attracted some lovely friends because they are all buzzing on the similar vibrationary wavelength. It works in the same way that we meet our friends or partners, it’s unseen, but there. It’s why I never really encounter drug dealers in my day to day activity, but I bet if I was a user I’d see them all the time. My antenna just isn’t tuned into that wave length. Think about how similar your friends are to you. One of the biggest issues people have when they make a big life change is their friends not being able to cope with the change. I’ve seen this happen with personal development stuff; the person gets happy and the friends don’t like the new improved happy person, so make them wrong for not being the same old miserable git they used to be!

Having read the articles in the press that accompanied Steve’s visit here I was shocked to read the issues our girls are having to cope with, however I’m not going to start campaigning for a ban on alcohol advertising, but I will talk to my kids about how excessive alcohol can effect your judgement, be addictive and make you feel crap. Neither will I throw away the TV, as I’m incredibly grateful for the BBC and the lack of adverts. What I will make sure is that we that we treat her in a way that is respectful, loving and fun because if that is the vibration she gets used to it’s the one that she will recognize in others outside of our family unit and will be attracted to, so I have little concern about her hooking up with people who aren’t resonating with her. It’s also how she see’s her dad treat me that’s important too. Found this quote that is apt ‘A real man treats his lady the same way he wants another man to treat his daughter’. If that’s what they see that’s what they will seek to repeat in their relationships, although they may not consciously know it.

Now that I have had a chance to scan Steve’s book I know that there are a lot of reasons for me and James to both read this and apply it to our family. Some will reassure me and I’m sure some will make me think ‘oh shit!’ and want to address stuff that I may not have been aware of. There may be stuff in the book that I completely ignore because it just doesn’t apply to us.  I do love the way Steve writes; a combination of case studies, articles and practical ways to be and talk to your daughter about issues where you can, and how to enlist the help of others when you can't.

Underlying everything Steve says is the importance of parent and child attachment and there is a lot of useful reminders in this book about that and why it is important. So if you are a new parent I would suggest that you take heed of this as it's that foundation that is laid in the first few years after birth that wires your children for happiness and contentment. Of course this is nothing new to us as it's what we love talking about, but if you aren't convinced of the importance of bonding and attachment this books, or 'Raising Babies or Raising Boys'  should definitely be high on your 'to-read' list.

'Raising Girls' by Steve Biddulph is available in our stores and our website.

~Eva