It's Parents' Week and to celebrate, Eva is taking us through five of her favourite parenting books. Hopefully, you'll find something here to inspire and reassure you, whether you're expecting for the first time or you have an older child.
The Baby Book
by William and Martha Sears
This book was my bible when Maya was a baby. I would pick it up to refer to it whenever I needed to check something out or needed help or reassurance. It’s also the book that I give to any friends expecting their first baby. As it is a gentle parenting book, you won’t find tips on ‘cry-it-out’ here.
The authors William and Martha Sears, as well a being medical professionals (he’s a paediatrician and she’s a nurse), are parents to eight children and grandparents too. So, they speak from professional and practical experience. I’m always amazed when so called ‘experts’ write books on childcare or even breastfeeding and they don’t have children themselves.
The Sears' Seven B’s are perfect foundation stones for any new parent and make perfect sense: birth bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedding close to baby, belief in the language value of your baby's cry, beware of baby trainers and balance.
You can find out more about William and Martha Sears on their website.
The Continuum Concept
by Jean Liedloff
I read this book after Maya was born as it was talked about in the Attachment Parenting communities that I was part of. It’s not really a parenting book, more of an anthropological study of how people left to their own devices parent.
The author Jean Leidloff describes her observations of a South American Native Indian tribe and how they respected the natural continuum of a human baby, allowing it to grow and develop at it’s own pace and how the child fit into the adults' lives rather than the parents upturning their lives to fit around the child.
I suppose in cultures where having babies and being around children are natural parts of daily existence it is easier to absorb a new person into everyday life. Perhaps it's not so easy when the culture is not geared up for children, which unfortunately seems to be how Western culture can be sometimes.
It’s by no means a ‘to do’ book but it's definitely food for thought and got me to think about how kids are pretty resilient beings and not to mollycoddle them all the time, and to get on with my own life.
And the most important lesson was that children will imitate what they see. That’s how they are wired to learn. In all things - if it’s cooking, cleaning, etc - they will just do what they see. That includes being happy, confident and fearless – if you are that then so will they be.
Read more about the Continuum Concept on The Liedloff Continuum Network.
Birth and Beyond
by Dr Yehudi Gordon
This is a perfect book for anyone wanting to know everything about pregnancy, birth and early parenting.
Dr Yehudi Gordon was at a talk that I went to in Bristol, along with Ina May Gaskin. I was struck by his humility and compassion in the way he talks about taking care of a pregnant woman and her baby.
He has also worked lots with Janet Balaskas, founder of the Active Birth Movement and is now involved with Babies Know, an organisation I think is doing amazing things to raise awareness about how early baby care shapes an adult.
How we parent in those early months and years really does impact on adulthood. We’re only now beginning to realise and put into practice attachment theory and understand the importance of a gentle birth experience, or if that wasn’t the experience for the baby or mother, identify what can be done to heal the process.
As a mother of a now-teenager, we recently had first hand experience of how unresolved birth trauma can manifest later on in life when Maya went through an uncharacteristic solemn period. Luckily, we were able to get the support she needed through my trusted network of specialists.
Of course, it wasn’t possible to control or change her birth but it was possible to deal with the issues that came up so that they could be released from her facia, which is where unresolved trauma is held.
Read more about Dr Yehudi Gordon.
How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk
by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
This book completely changed the way I talked (and listened) to Maya. It was a revelation to me and made me wonder why all teachers and people caring for children weren’t given this as obligatory reading.
As a parent, it made me realise that so much of they way I spoke to Maya was just how my parents spoke to me. But that’s not unusual about how we parent in general because unless we bring conscious awareness to our parenting we will pretty much do exactly what our parents did.
In fact I used (and still use) some of the techniques when talking to adults too. One of the criticisms of the Attachment Parenting Community can be that parents don’t set boundaries for their children. That's omething that this book is very clear they need and I tend to agree. So if that is a problem for you – you need this book!
Read more about Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
No Cry Sleep Solution
by Elizabeth Pantley
This book wasn’t around when Maya was a baby. If it had been, I probably would have had fewer interrupted nights than I needed. Thankfully, I did read it when I had Jacob five years later and I learnt a few invaluable tips about night feeding and night waking which meant that we all got longer lengths of uninterrupted sleep.
Elizabeth Pantley also has a host of other useful books and great info on her website about mindful parenting.
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